Be Everything to YOU
Note to self; you cannot be everything to everyone.
To varying degrees, most of us are people pleasers. The interesting thing is; that we do this intending to make others happy so that we feel happy, yet; are we happy? We do this, so we feel loved, accepted, and appreciated. Truth is, we sacrifice ourselves in the process. We compromise our values in an attempt to please others.
Signs you are a people pleaser
* Feelings of resentment.
* Emotionally depleted, defeated, exhausted.
* Feelings of anger and frustration.
* Avoidance of confrontation.
These feelings show up as a lack of authenticity (essentially, you are lying, to yourself and others), snarky remarks, avoidance, whispering under your breath, and other passive-aggressive behaviors.
This pattern of behavior evolves from childhood; it becomes addictive and a predictable path to receiving love and acceptance. "People Pleasing" allows us a false sense of emotional security by avoiding confrontation.
What can you do? Begin by being honest with yourself and say, "I am a people pleaser." by doing this, you now have taken responsibility, owned this pattern of behavior, and when you do this, you can now choose differently! You are currently in control! No guilt, no shame, just taking responsibility.
This week, notice when you feel the urge to "people please", instead of speaking up authentically. When you can identify where you "people please" the most, you can sit down, and set boundaries that honor who you are. Next, and here is the hardest part, practicing speaking your mind and sharing your thoughts that express you, with consistency! After all, the world needs your uniqueness.
A few tips
Set healthy boundaries and start small.
Check-in with yourself before saying yes.
If you need to think about it, give yourself permission to say, "Let me think about it, and I'll get back to you."
Take responsibility and avoid making excuses or blaming someone or something else in order to validate your no.
Create "no" statements and practice them.
Show yourself compassion; this takes practice.
Remember the wise words; You can't please everyone. An intelligent person once told me by honoring yourself, saying no (with no excuses), you model to others that it is a safe space for them to show up authentically, say no, and speak their truth. As a result, you gain respect, you show strength, and your soul will thank you for the love.
If being a people pleasure has been your go-to behavior and making it difficult to find your voice and uniqueness in your relationships, it's time to shift your behavior, prioritize YOUR needs and start showing up in all your essence!
Isn't it time you show yourself the love, respect, and joy you show to everyone else?
Reach out to a health professional, a well-being coach such as myself and begin establishing those healthy boundaries.
The world is waiting for YOU.